


Fray

by rinsed



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Jade's POV, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 01:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2562854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinsed/pseuds/rinsed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>10/25 update spoilers</p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>  <i>and he'd say bullshit, nobody was meant to die, this isn't some backwards working of fate because that doesn't exist and it never has, people only use fate as a shitty excuse because they can't handle the truth that they're powerless in the face of the universe even when they're gods</i></p><p> </p><p>--</p><p>Dave and Jade have a hard time dealing with death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fray

**Author's Note:**

> Read this about Dave's heroism issues if you want to understand the fic better: http://jadedaved.tumblr.com/post/101561271815/gooberjam-deliverusfromsburb

some days he was okay  
some days you were both okay  
some days you would sit and talk for hours about nothing and everything and you'd watch paradox space go by as you traversed dream bubbles together  
but some days were different  
more specifically some nights  
some nights he would throw his shades in frustration and bury his hands in his hair and breathe  
just breathe  
heavily and shakily  
because he was trying to stop the noise  
he was trying to stop the constant tick, tock he would never stop hearing, ever, because you were dead and there was no end and the thought of this made the gears faster and louder  
and some days it was because he couldn't be a hero, because he couldn't save you  
or anyone else  
or himself

  
some days he'd lose himself to the wide, unblinking eye of guilt and shame and frustration and helplessness at the fact his friends were dying and he couldn't do anything to stop it, and it never ceased to stare him down  
and you tried your best to tell him it was okay  
he was a hero to you and to everyone else  
and it's not his fault that he died, and it's not his fault anyone dies  
and he'd reply with how he was supposed to be the hero and save everybody  
and you'd say this is what was supposed to happen  
and he'd say bullshit, nobody was meant to die, this isn't some backwards working of fate because that doesn't exist and it never has, people only use fate as a shitty excuse because they can't handle the truth that they're powerless in the face of the universe even when they're gods

  
and you could see it in him  
you could see the weight of an entire universe on his shoulders, though he wouldn't admit it  
but some days he'd break to you, unspeaking but broken and you'd realise what a disaster he was, what a disaster you both were  
and when the eye became unbearable you were there, and your hands would find his hair, your thumbs tracing his cheekbones, and your forehead would press against his  
or you'd hold him as you tried not to cry yourself, your face buried in crimson fabric concealing his collarbone, and he smelled slightly like petrol and a city just after it had rained and your hands would grip the back of his shirt and as you whispered into his shoulder that it was okay you vowed that you would never let go  
and you'd stay here for hours  
years  
centuries  
you didn't know  
you didn't care

  
and some days the eye would turn to you and stare relentlessly and you could taste it like blood in your mouth, the things you've done and the lives that have been lost and every single fucking thing that happened in this damned game, and it burned your insides and made you vomit and scream and cry out for some kind of mercy but there was no god to grant you anything, except you  
and sometimes the concept of forever, this being your forever, made you both want to die but you couldn't because you were already dead, this was it and as gods of space and time, both infinite prospects, these thoughts plagued you often, and you'd realise just how much this game had fucked you up and that it would never, ever be over, there was no way out and the concept of forever was both overwhelming and terrifying and ironically the idea of infinite time and space made you feel trapped and suffocated and even though you didn't want to believe in it you couldn't help yourself

  
but you were stronger than this  
you knew better than anyone else that there was no getting out of this so you had to find some kind of good in it, so you spent a lot of days exploring and talking about creating the new universe  
but even then it's hard to imagine a new universe when living in a universe where everything has fallen through your fingers like sand even though you're gods for crying out loud and you should be able to handle this but you can't even dream anymore  
because you're dead

and once, you broke down after regaining every god forsaken memory that came to be in this game, screaming at the top of your lungs and he held you, kissing the top of your head relentlessly as he held you the same way you held him, vowing never to let go  
and you told him that maybe, maybe the universe wasn't made for you but you for the universe and maybe you guys were just made wrong and that was the first time he kissed you  
and it was real and he was real and you were real and it was okay because you weren't alive but you were there and you weren't alone anymore  
you weren't fucking alone

and that won't fix every single problem you have but you had someone who understood and he had you

you weren't bad people  
you had just seen bad things  
and nothing is ever going to fix you  
and nothing is going to stop the guilt  
and nothing will stop the pleading and the bleeding and the screaming and the clocks and the universe and even though you would give anything for it to be any other way at least you didn't have to carry the weight of it alone anymore

and as your fingers are interlocked with his you realise you love him  
you really, really fucking love him

**Author's Note:**

> Read this about Dave's heroism issues if you want to understand the fic better: http://jadedaved.tumblr.com/post/101561271815/gooberjam-deliverusfromsburb


End file.
